i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
