I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
