They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
