thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
