I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
