Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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