there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
