Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
