come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
