I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
