She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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