My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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