I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
