i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
