Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
