I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
