I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
