Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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