Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i think my cat just said my name.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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