PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
