The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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