As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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