i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
