I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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