im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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