i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
