Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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