I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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