I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
