I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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