I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
