If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
