I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
