Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
