Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
