:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
