He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
