I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
