i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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