So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
