dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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