dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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