your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
