just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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