so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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