she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
