Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
