I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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