do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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