so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
