Where did you get a picture of my penis
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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