Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
